A Good Enough Person?

Donald Winnicott introduced the concept of the “good enough parent” as a response to the onslaught of “expert” parenting advice, encouraging individuals to trust their natural instincts, which have sufficed for humanity’s survival until this day.

Considering the challenges posed by climate change, social injustice, species extinction, and the numerous crises confronting us, the concept of “good enough” seems elusive. Regardless of our efforts, it often feels like our actions are insufficient. We might engage in recycling, cease air travel, become politically active, work within NGOs, purchase secondhand items, and adopt vegan diets. Yet, our carbon footprint still exceeds our equitable share, and our political endeavors yield minimal progress. It can be a truly exhausting experience.

When grappling with this sense of inadequacy, I can’t help but ponder the multitude of actions I, and others, could undertake to benefit the planet. The urgency of the situation impels me to demand more of myself and others, as it seems undeniably necessary.

The essence of the “good enough” concept, as advocated by Winnicott, resonates with me. It provides me with a way to contend with the perpetual need to do more and allows me to adjust my expectations of others who are similarly navigating these challenges.

The root of this sense of inadequacy can often be traced back to the feeling of not being enough. We attempt to compensate for this deficiency through ceaseless action. However, it’s evident that such an approach is unsustainable. To attain a state of harmonious self-acceptance, it’s vital to recognize when our efforts are “good enough.” This recognition hinges upon acknowledging that we, as individuals, are enough.

Nevertheless, merely telling myself or conveying to you that we are enough remains insufficient. I comprehend the concept intellectually, but true understanding transcends this. It’s an embodiment, an inherent part of our being, something we put into action and extend to the world.

In my pursuit of being “good enough” for myself and in a broader sense, I’ve adopted a practice: I acknowledge my sense of inadequacy whenever it surfaces. When I feel that what I’m doing is not enough, I greet this feeling like a friendly neighbor. I offer a cordial hello, listen to its stories, and then let it go without getting emotionally entangled.

Being good enough, both individually and collectively, doesn’t mean we cease our efforts. It signifies embracing the understanding that on certain days, the sky might not be the limit, but the roof over our heads is.